Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Moving On, Moving Forward

Being alone for almost a day has given me a chance to reflect more about myself and my life as well on a larger context. My mute audience composed mostly of my books, magazines, and numerous notes and drafts added to the conducive atmosphere. And such reflection dwelt on the concept of moving on, or moving forward.

With the past few years literally drenched in confusing events, sorry moments, and mud holes for secret keeping, there came certain moments when moving forward seemed no longer a promising step. One loses the initiative and the proverbial road in front disappears, only to be replaced by guilt, fear, and anger.

I have just reread a favorite book (The Beekeeper’s Apprentice) and in it surfaced a line that splashed through me like cold water after a long slumber: that “…guilt is a poor foundation for a life...” And I venture to extend this and say that fear is a poor foundation for a life, that anger is a poor foundation for a life. Yes, there are heaps of things to be straightened out from a past that has not been given proper thought for the future.

But the present is always a clean slate on which one can act to prevent the ugly past from sipping into the future. I have always known these, known this in passing, and it always felt good to be reminded of these – acting properly in the present for the past and for the future. And just now, I see that it will never be in a linear form of thinking. Past, present, and future blend together. To deny one’s self of the initiative to move forward is not only to deny and disown the past, but is also to deny and disown the present and the future.

And it is for this reasoning that I continue to live each day. I do not know if I can found such thought in the quarters of my beloved existentialism for this is essentially optimistic in nature. But nevertheless it is purifying to breathe them in. Not a bad thing after all: a cleansing day, a cleansing of the mind.

To move forward each day, yes; without any question.

(You are free to consider this as random thoughts or perhaps a bit worse, dear reader.)

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