The blame cannot be put to somebody else’s shoulders but to Pransis’. Looking back, the hostility I had over that darn professor of ours, coupled with the problems that messed me up in the past months have utterly distracted everything in me – my study, my dealings with people, etc., and I wasn’t able to cope up. You know chance reader; it was all but a story of choices. I would meet people, have talk with them, tell them my tale, then I would be asked why in the world I have decided to do this or that thing. Well, my answers varied depending on the flow of our conversations, but they definitely fall into one same thought: those decisions seemed to be the best things to do at those times.I don’t really have any feelings about getting delayed over this academics thing. It’s just that my family at home is the group next hurt (I think so?) by this extended study thing. How can I forget that fateful Monday morning when I finally had the chance to tell things to my mother? Darn. Semi-MMK. I knew she was terribly disappointed and I could swear I saw tears in her eyes.
And I had my share of tears too. All along, I thought that the reason she was urging me to finish off this course was so that I could finally get a fine job and help with the bills. But it came actually from her, that graduating is an end in itself. It matters not whether I choose to work or not, she continued; it’s enough that I finish it and she’ll be able to shed one of her numerous responsibilities (it’s a quite complicated story but the fact is that she’s the only who works at home).
Well, she was still optimistic and asked me to submit whatever things needed that could hasten the end of the course…but I could barely say ‘yes, I will’. The candidates for graduation this semester are already out. The list does not contain my name.
Anyway, I have gotten over it and I am just augmenting that sense of relief by writing about it. (I’ve learned from some recent experiences that telling the truth makes things a lot easier for everybody else.) I know I can finish things off anyway this year (middle of the year I think) and I believe that is good news enough. I just need to prove it to them (who are these ‘them’, I no idea, perhaps my family or relatives or friends or girlfriend, whatever).
As for now, I need to reconsider getting some jobs (yeah, with an ‘s’) and probably a place where I can work freely on my personal studies (an apartment maybe?). We’ll see.